What Do You Truly Know About the Donor?

Tell me which donor in your portfolio has given each year over the last five years.

Easy, right? You could pull that in thirty seconds.

Now tell me what they want their giving to make possible. What changed in their life this year. What they mentioned the last time you really talked — not the meeting where you had a presentation ready, but the conversation where you were genuinely just listening.

That's harder. And that gap — between what we know about a donor's giving and what we know about a donor as a person — is where most major gift opportunities quietly get left behind.

Summer is the season to close that gap.

The difference between data and knowledge

Most major gift officers are excellent at donor data. They can tell you cumulative giving, first gift year, event attendance, capacity ratings. They can pull a record and tell you everything that's been logged.

What's harder to find is what actually matters: what this person cares about most right now. What's changed in their life this year. What they want their generosity to make possible.

That knowledge doesn't come from a database. It comes from conversation. And it can only be built through the kind of patient, curious listening that's hard to do when a campaign is driving every interaction.

That's the gift summer offers. The pace slows. The urgency falls away. And if you use that space intentionally, you can learn things about the people in your portfolio that no wealth screening tool will ever tell you.

A simple system that changes everything

One of the first things I recommend to every fundraiser I coach: in your CRM, create a dedicated note field — separate from your contact notes — and label it simply: Interests and Values.

Not giving history. Not event attendance. Just this: what does this person actually care about?

Without it, a fundraiser spends twenty minutes before a meeting scrolling through years of notes trying to remember what the donor mentioned about her grandchildren, or that thing he said once about wanting to fund something that would outlast him. It's in there somewhere. Maybe.

When it lives in its own field, it takes thirty seconds. And the conversation that follows feels completely different — because you walk in knowing what matters to them, not hoping to remember it.

One field. A few sentences. Updated every time something meaningful comes up in conversation. Simple — and more powerful than most fundraisers realize.

Storylistening, not just listening

There's a difference between listening and what I call storylistening.

Most fundraisers are listening for the right moment to speak — the pause where they can pivot to the organization's work, the opening to introduce what they want the conversation to be about. Storylistening is different. It means listening for the donor's story: the experiences, values, and motivations that have shaped who they are and why they give.

It means asking questions that go deeper than the gift.

Not "Would you be interested in our new program?" but "What got you interested in this kind of work in the first place?"

Not "How did you enjoy the gala?" but "What part of the evening stayed with you?"

And then: actually listening to the answer. Not planning your response. Not thinking about the next meeting. Just being genuinely present to what someone is telling you about what matters to them.

That quality of attention is rare. And donors feel it.

Try this

Pull up your Top 10 donors (and Next 20 donors) this week and ask yourself honestly: what do I actually know about each of these people right now? Not their giving history. Not their capacity rating.

What do I know about them.

What's happening in their life? What are they thinking about? What do they want their generosity to make possible?

If the answers are thin, that's not a failure — it's information. It tells you exactly what to do next: have a real conversation, driven by genuine curiosity. Not a check-in. Not an update with an agenda.

That's the work that makes everything else — the ask, the stewardship, the relationship — possible.

Q: I always seem to run out of things to talk about with donors outside of organizational updates. How do I build real conversations?

I find that this challenge is common — and it usually comes from a habit of leading with the organization instead of the donor.

The shift I'd suggest: before your next donor conversation, don't prepare talking points about the organization. Prepare questions about them. What are you curious about? What did they mention last time that you want to follow up on? What's happening in their life or work that might connect to why this mission matters to them?

Genuine curiosity is both the starting point and the practice. When you're genuinely interested in someone — not performing interest, but actually curious about who they are — conversations have a natural depth that organizational updates never create.

And when a conversation does drift toward the mission, the connection lands differently. Because it isn't coming from an agenda. It's coming from a real understanding of why this particular person, with this particular story, might find this particular work meaningful.

Q: How do I know if I have enough information about a donor, or if I should be learning more before I move to an ask?

Here's the question I'd ask instead: can you describe what this donor wants their giving to make possible — in their own words, or close to them?

Not what the organization needs. Not what the program does. What this donor, specifically, wants to see happen in the world through their generosity.

If you can answer that clearly, you probably have enough to have a meaningful solicitation conversation. If you're still answering from the organization's perspective rather than theirs, you need more time in cultivation — not because the relationship isn't warm, but because you haven't yet found the values intersection that makes an ask feel like an invitation rather than a pitch.

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Beth Ann Locke is the founder of The Fundraiser Coach and has been an embedded fundraiser for 30+ years and focused on major gifts for 20 years. She coaches major gift fundraisers and nonprofit leaders to build genuine donor relationships and secure transformational gifts. Learn more at thefundraisercoach.com.